How to Pick Up Girls

Fredo Wang, suave and debonair and surprisingly conscious for 8 a.m.

1. Put on your Sunday best.
2. If you want to meet a classy girl, go where they are likely to be found.
3. Choose a time when the numbers work in your favor, and when the workday is done and its time for them to cut loose a little.
4. Buy them exotic drinks that reflect your good taste and sophistication.
5. Regale them with tales of your fabulous and exciting life.
6. Wake up from dreaming you have a chance with alive human females, search "goatfucking" on Craigslist, make the call and pray that this time, it's not a cop on the other end of your weekend entertainment.